So I came across this in Thought Catalog and Cupcakes and Cashmere – two blogs I regularly follow that share next to nothing in common. I don’t necessarily agree with this list, but still thought it’d be a good exercise to attempt to answer these criteria to womanhood. So here goes:
1. A go-to drink: This particular criterion must signify maturity because five years ago, though I was of legal drinking age, I didn’t have a go-to drink and it was kind of embarrassing. Seriously, think back to the first time you legally went to a bar and had to decide what you wanted with a line of loud co-eds behind you and an impatient bartender fighting with every fiber of his being not to roll his eyes into the back of his head. Or when a waitress approaches you a mere minute after you’re seated and immediately demands a drink of you. Having the freedom to decide on what you want to drink is so liberating, yet foreign when you start legally drinking – no longer are you limited to whatever you’ve been able to get your hands on and happened to tolerate; you can literally choose from an unlimited selection of bottles and taps and drink anything. Whatever ends up being your go-to drink could define you for the rest of your days – especially if you become an alcoholic.
Determining your go-to drink is a rite of passage and it takes a period of trial and error to settle on something you like and are proud of liking. I definitely judge people on what their go-to drinks are – for instance, if tequila is your poison of choice – I might tag you as a party animal who’s keen on sugary margaritas and taking body shots like Vanessa Hudgens in Spring Breakers. If you drink rum and you’re not a pirate – what the fuck is wrong with you? I’m pleased to say after a few years of testing the waters, I have definitive answers for my go-to drink in almost all main categories of alcohol:
- Spirits: Whiskey – preferably mixed with 7-Up, ginger ale, water or occasionally, on the rocks. Vodka is the widely assumed go-to liquor choice because it’s clear and tasteless and therefore, mixes with virtually anything. But for starters, I don’t necessarily want my alcohol to taste like nothing. I think that makes it obsolete, frivolous almost. Even if I mix or dilute it, I still want my liquor to have some character. Secondly, vodka is cliche – almost every chick I know says vodka Sprite, vodka soda with lime or vodka tonic with lime is their go-to drink, and I can’t think of a more boring way to get wasted than essentially paying $6 for a loaded Topochico with a squeeze of citrus in it. Finally, whiskey mixes well with an abundance of substances – when you get creative, you’d be surprised by how many delicious concoctions you can come up with. For instance, whiskey coffee is delicious. Whiskey with iced tea is delicious; whiskey with lemonade is delicious and whiskey with tea AND lemonade is even more delicious. For you seasonal folks, whiskey-spiked apple cider and egg nog are some of the best ways to endure obnoxious family members and stay contently, yet discreetly buzzed during the holidays. Whiskey my friends, is the way to go.
- Beer (Good): I’m fortunate that Austin is brimming with local breweries, but it took me a while to nail down a signature beer, or at least a signature type of beer. It’s not uncommon for bars to feature 20, 50, 100+ drafts making the selection process a little overwhelming, but I usually fall back on Live Oak Hefeweizen – a light, medium-bodied brew that’s creamy enough to be smooth, but fruity and carbonated enough to be tart and refreshing.
- Beer (Trashy): When I’m feeling the urge to drink like a plebeian, I usually defer to something of the commercialized domestic variety that comes in cases of 24 or the 16-oz. Tall Boy form factor – ideal for bringing to the pool or for spilling on things. In college, I was a dedicated Coors Light drinker – I just thought those temperature-sensitive blue Rocky Mountains were so delightfully clever! Oddly enough, I usually prefer Bud Light and Miller Lite now – not sure why. For some reason, none of my friends seem to like the Silver Bullet much. I’m also a fan of Lone Star, the National Beer of Texas, which often is available at the $1 – $2 price point at several establishments.
- Wine: This is the only alcoholic substance I wish I was more knowledgeable about – I don’t want to be some snobby sommelier, but I do wish I wasn’t so clueless about wine. I do know I prefer red, I drink a glass or two almost every weeknight and usually buy reasonably priced bottles of Cab or Shiraz at the grocery store. I admittedly still have a lot to learn, and taste for wine is the biggest opportunity for growth for my alcoholic palate. I’m assuming it’s something to be accumulated as I grow older – after all, adults drink wine and one day I’ll be rich and classy enough to sniff and swirl and make sound choices.
2. A go-to karaoke song: I don’t karaoke as much as I used to, but when I do, I like to display my expertise without being boring or serious. However, I hate when people sing Top 40 pop songs or “Don’t Stop Believing,” so it took a while to pinpoint the right song. A few years ago, I tried out Kylie Minogue’s upbeat rendition of “The Locomotion” and it was very well-received. It’s catchy, fun, easy-to-learn and lends itself to simple dance moves like swinging your hips and making human trains.
3. A uniform: This is tough because I like a lot of different clothes – but lately, I’ve been wearing casual button downs and skinny jeans the most regularly. I do like the occasional dress or skirt, but the former option doesn’t require me to shave my legs or wear specific undergarments. I usually wear my hair down in whatever unkempt tangle it molds itself into after a night of fitful sleep and my only makeup must-have is black eyeliner, which has rimmed my eyes virtually every day since I was 15.
4. A hairstylist they love: This is something I do not have – there is no singular individual that I return to for my haircuts, but I’m fortunate enough to have have pretty manageable, hard-to-fuck-up hair. I do return to the same establishment the 2 or 3 times a year I remember to cut it, but I have a different stylist every time. I certainly like talking to some more than others, but the end product is never reason enough to remember the stylist’s name and schedule an appointment 6 months later.
5. An exercise routine: For the past few years, I would just regularly go to the gym. I don’t particularly like it, but I also don’t mind it. Plus, I’d prefer using simple strength training and cardio machines to paying for and scheduling my day around a yoga or kickboxing class. A few months ago, I surprisingly developed an inclination for running and even entertained the idea of training for a half marathon, but I have trouble finding the time to run outside because it’s kind of dependent on the weather and time of day. Treadmills suffice, but running in place while watching the minutes and miles slowly tick by is equal parts boring and soul-crushing so I never do more than 3-4 miles on the treadmill. Very recently, I joined a competitive indoor volleyball league – a sport I’ve loved playing since junior high – not only do I get regular, non-boring exercise through this, but I’ve also met a lot of great people. Gives me something to look forward to every week.
6. A hobby: Okay – I hate hobbies. I think the idea of them is stupid and I’d argue that virtually no one really has a hobby. Sure, I like shopping, reading and listening to music, but so does a significant portion of the population. In fact, almost everyone I know likes those things. There’s really nothing unique or characteristic about those things. Unless your favorite pastime is something super rare like collecting model cars, knitting blankets, bird watching or brewing your own beer – I don’t think you really have a hobby. Think of the weird shit they sell at Hobby Lobby – it’s all crocheting, scrapbooking, quilting or toy airplane painting-related stuff. I don’t know anyone who does any of that shit in real life. I hate when people ask what my hobbies are because I feel stupid and unoriginal when I honestly admit that I don’t have any. Fuck hobbies.
7. A best friend: I actually have a few of these; if you held a gun to my head and attached me to a polygraph machine and asked me who my best friend was, I really wouldn’t know how to answer truthfully to save my life (or the life of said best friend). I also think the concept of having a best friend is kind of exclusionary by design, which isn’t very kind considering your second best friend and third best friend are probably pretty decent people too. I have one that I talk to every day and consider my closest friend, but we’ve never even lived in the same city. I have one that I’ve known since childhood and lived with in college. I can show up at her parents’ doorstep any day of the week and we’ll be in eachothers’ weddings no question – however, we have next to nothing in common and our taste in everything from shoes to men is completely different. My roommate might be the most plausible answer to this question because I spend the most time with him, we do have a lot in common and ultimately, we just get along really well. Though he’s my best companion for all of those reasons, we don’t confide secrets or personal info very often. Not that the other isn’t trustworthy or reliable; we just don’t do it much. Weird, huh?
8. A healthy sense of self – Not sure what this means, so probably don’t have it.